Abysol'thar, Terror of the Underworld

Abysol’thar, Terror of the Underworld

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From the volatile energies of the Twisting Nether came a being so ravenous and insatiable that the universe would seemingly quake in fear from its presence ⁠⁠— at least that is the story that those that encountered this being would tell you. Those that were more familiar would utter it’s name in whispers, what was this creature’s name you may ask? The few denizens that lived to tell the tale of the encounter with this beast would simply refer it to as Abysol’thar, the seemingly ever-hungering terror of the underworld.

Abysol’thar was born in the Twisting Nether’s deepest depths. Being one of the first demonic beasts to ever come into existence. It earned quite a reputation for ravenously devouring the souls and flesh of other demons that would dwell within these same depths, with such actions earning it the title " Terror of the Underworld". Abysol’thar wandered the Twisting Nether appeasing it’s hunger within it’s vile depths until it was attracted by an open rift to a thriving mortal world where it could seemingly taste how delicious the essences of the mortals were compared to those within the Twisting Nether. After coming through the rift Abysol’thar would eye every mortal on the planet with it’s many great and small eyes, sensing how delicious they were, and would leave behind a trail of screams and blood after it devoured each and every one of the lifeforms that would make their home on the planet. It was after this moment Abysol’thar’s appetite for mortal souls came to fruition, driving the void hound to go and find and devour more. Other demons that also wandered the great dark beyond and from within the twisting nether could see Abysol’thar’s hunger being a great tool to lead it into other mortal worlds that they may want to conquer easily as they recognised the great beast’s tremendous power — however from this discovery came great conflicts among these demons as they fought over which among them should have control over the bestial devourer and whom among them should rule the cosmos.

Abysol’thar whether to satisfy its own appetite or be used as a tool and weapon by other demons for destructive or power seeking purposes would ravage through the cosmos devouring all it could fit into its seemingly bottomless maw — that is until the titan and defender of the pantheon Sargeras would fight the beast and easily subdue it, seeing as he could not kill it permanently due to being able to be reborn within the Twisting Nether’s vile depths. As a result of this Sargeras would imprison the great beast on the world of Mardum, which was also known as the plane of banishment. However this imprisonment was not to last. Sargeras for reasons he developed from his journeys and battles across the cosmos would shatter the prison world of Mardum, freeing the countless demons he imprisoned on his travels throughout the great dark beyond, including Abysol’thar, which he would shortly bring into the ranks of the Burning Legion soon after. Abysol’thar would be used by the Burning Legion on it’s grand crusade to cleanse all life from the cosmos as a weapon and tool of mass destruction and mass genocide. Abysol’thar’s hunger would continue to be satisfied as it would continue to ravage through the cosmos, growing stronger with each soul it devoured.

Abysol’thar was involved in many great and key battles that the Burning Legion took part in throughout the course of the universe’s history, including the war of the ancients, in which it was summoned by some of Hakkar the Houndmaster’s greatest servants. It was also involved in the battle on the Isle of Quel’danas, in which it was used to help fend off the Shattered Sun forces and the heroes of azeroth from disrupting and ending the summoning of the right hand of the dark titan himself and the mighty eredar demon lord Kil’jaeden. The great beast was also summoned by Gul’dan along with other powerful demons to drive back the alliance and horde forces on the battle of the Broken Shore, in which it slaughtered it’s way through countless alliance generals and troops that stood their ground before the Tomb of Sargeras, devouring many of the generals and soldiers in the process. During the raid of Antorus, the terror of the underworld would be summoned by portal keeper Hasabel on Platform: Nexus in the Halls of Boundless Reach — in which it was pushed back into the portal shortly after it devoured a great deal of Azeroth’s heroes as well as some of the troops that fought for the Army of The Light.

After the Burning Legion’s defeat Abysol’thar would go back to the Twisting Nether, trying to find as many places as it could to try and get back into the mortal plane to devour the mortal souls it so desired. Abysol’thar would have explored the taste of mortal souls so much that the souls of beings within the Twisting Nether did not satisfy it so much anymore. However if it could not find a rift and still felt it’s great hunger overcome it, it would devour any suitable essence that was available to it to try and fill the void left by the mortals it could not access. If not for satisfaction then perhaps out of desperation. Many demons have also tried to enslave the great beast for their own nefarious purposes. However these attempted enslavements have usually ended up in being unable to properly hold and control the beast, escaping their clutches or in more gruesome situations ended up in those that have attempted to bind it to their will being brutally mutilated and killed by the terror of the underworld. In the current day Abysol’thar wanders the many trackless corners of the Twisting Nether and sometimes even the great dark beyond to satiate it’s endless hunger however it can, whether it be a glorious feast or a fruitless endeavour.

(Just for some clarification this is a character that I made a few years back that I would later use for some events and demon guilds. It’s lore was created when I was using this character in a demon guild and I wanted to share it with you all here to see if you would enjoy it. Nevertheless I hope you enjoyed reading the lore, story and biography of this character.)

Reading this story/bio gives me the same burning hate you have for the forums

It fucking sucks

Ok then, that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

But could you care to tell me why it sucks rather than just stating that it does?

Parts of your post seem to be copied almost word for word from Chronicles and Wowpedia, so that’s a minus on creativity. Through this you have also included completely redundant information such as:

This mention doesn’t sound very relevant to the rest of the text where you’ve placed it, it pops up randomly and only begins to make sense once you scroll further down and you’re told why Sargeras couldn’t kill your character; why not place it there instead?

You can even notice where the copying ends and your writing begins, since yours lacks a good deal of consistent capitalisation, proper contractions and proper punctuation along with several cases of mispelling.

“It’s” is the contraction of “it is”

“Its” is the possessive, meaning “belonging to it”.

On a note on the concept itself, it draws heavily upon characters of the lore for its background (Sargeras, Keeper Hasabel, Gul’dan) and lore events (The Antorus raid, Quel’Danas) without really adding anything new or telling us more of your character, in fact his only trait seems to be that he is hungry for souls.

Which I guess isn’t too far from what demons usually do.

Overall, you still got a backstory! And that’s great, at least you hammered down your ideas.

Good luck on fleshing them out further :+1:

I see, I will go and fix that now., I will take a look at where the mispellings are as well since I am also critical of that as well.

I will see what else I can do on this front.

I think what I’m trying to point out is quite clear. So. Much. Repetition. Alright, we get it. It is a void hound with a desire to consume souls to fuel its own power. While repetition does make it clearer and memorable, it’s a downsize in this case, when you go on and on and repeat the same sentences, therefore making the description not impressive and duller. Such works only in poetry or strong novels that try to emphasis the main core of the story or an emotion.
The point is the description grants no new insight for the reader. It’s just a Void Hound that eats souls. Alright, it’s named Terror of the Underworld, so that’s something, but is the consumption of souls the only thing that it excels in? There are multiple creatures within the universe that show the desire to absorb souls and become the amalgamation that rules the physical matter. So, maybe try to be more specific, add details as how exactly Abysol’thar is different than any fiend we may know already.
Won’t say the same what Illarian said. As much as it is a backstory (a cheer for trying yourself), the paragraphs imply the same idea. I’d also suggest not to use dashes -. They are implying an interruption with an extra explanation that is emphasised, but in the description, they speak out the main idea.
In conclusion, it’s a story with little to no actual description. Maybe the idea is that the information is supposed to be vague. However, then you could point out that the very existence of this entity is enigmatic and beyond mortal’s comprehension to describe it in fitting words.
Hope you take the opinion, thoughts and suggestions well.

Ok, looking at your criticisms I have gone back and tweaked some of the parts of the story you had a problem with. I hope these changes are to your liking.

If you see anything else you have a problem with do not hesitate to let me know and I will go back and try to improve it however I can.